It seems like in this past month, I have lost all my will to do anything. I feel like the classes I'm in aren't helping me at all, and I wish I could just drop them. The school I want to go to is 45 minutes away from my house, so it would only make sense to commute, so my hopes of moving out are set back another 4 years. And I just feel tired of working so hard all the time, with no real rewards. I'm tired of living at home and being treated like a child, I'm tired of the pressure, and I'm tired of others controlling my life.
I've always been very independent and responsible for my age, so when I was younger I got little rewards for that, like not having my parents hover over me while I did homework, or getting a mini-tv in my room. But I feel like this year, there's really not much else to offer. I can't move out, or go to University, or get an actual job yet, so I'm just stuck. I'm at a stand still where I have nothing to try and achieve, except for good grades in classes that I don't care about.
Honestly, I don't even feel like I'm learning anything in school. In English, we're reading The Great Gatsby and I've already over-analyzed that book so much, that his monotone insight into the book, as well as the endless slides laying out facts about the time period, make me want to rip my hair out. Then, I have Anthro/Psych/Socio, which is just theory after theory, most of which have been disproved. And the last two are classes I'm taking because when I chose them, I thought I wanted to major in Biology. In short, I love learning, but I don't feel like I'm learning at school.
So, that brings us to this very moment, where I'm lying on my bedroom floor, blogging about my life, and researching University courses, instead of doing homework. I have no motivation, no current goals, and no reason to do anything but eat and blog. And I hate it so much.
